Friday, October 22, 2010

i'm not mad... mostly i'm sad

Some days I'm so sure that I'm leaving him... and then the very next day (or hour) I'm overcome with sadness and don't want to leave. I'm comfortable there. I'm relatively happy. Well, I'm not UNhappy, per se. Some days I am. It's more being lonely. I am so lonely for companionship. So lonely for someone to kiss, do things we both like, etcetc. Lonely for a man to grab me and kiss me and make me feel pretty and sexy and desired.

There isn't a bone in my body that is mad at him. I'm not mad. I'm sad. I'm sad for him, that he can't stop - won't even attempt to stop drinking.

In August, in no uncertain terms, I told him he had TWO MONTHS to get treatment... at least make a move toward recovery. It's now TWO MONTHS later.... and nothin. I've offered him places to go, did hours of research for facilities in our city that isn't AA, I've offered to go with him to counseling/sessions, I've gone to an Al-Anon meeting... No one can say I didn't try. No one can say - not even him- that I didn't try to help.

No comments:

Post a Comment